Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
