I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
