1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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