I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he shaved USA in his pubs
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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