I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
