Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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