tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
