Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
