dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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