Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
