he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
