I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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