You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
