i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
