Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
