Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
