No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize