I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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