Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
