every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
