Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
