.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
