piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
