Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
