Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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