In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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