exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
