ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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