Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
