My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize