it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
