I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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