So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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