Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
