Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
