You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
