I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
