I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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