I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
