I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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