Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
