I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
