i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
