I CAN MOONWALK!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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