he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
