when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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