just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
