I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
