I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
