I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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