If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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