hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
