He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
