Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
