Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
