Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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