I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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