I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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