im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
