There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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