just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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