he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
