he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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