We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
