I love black thongs
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
